| teeheehee. it's xanga!
HIII XANGA!! oh sheesh i haven't been on this for so long
and it's summer and the last time i updated was winter. whoo!!
how is everyone?
how is summer going?
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| second fencing meet of the year......
beavers whatever school. oooh. how menancing. cute little short kids ^^ *pat pat*
womens fencing pwned ass.<333
mens fencing won. but not total pwnage. we leave that to the women ^~
cheers.
unplugged auditions coming up the 18th or 19th or sometime around there.. i dont know about you but janice, dianna, and i are going to be amazing. hopefully.
i am sincerely greatful that i finally found a guy who will just hold me and tell me he luvs me while i cry on his shoulder (thank you thank you thank you-even though you dont read this. i hope you dont lol)
because today b4 the meet i guess i just wasn't feeling good- ignored.. invisible.. left out. move on, julie. you're used to it
trying to reconcile with one of my past best friends. i'm not sure whats gonna happen. i think it's going to fail. because the whole situation is just.. awkward like we're too shy to talk to each other. plus i never see him in school. but i might as well try. i miss being friends with him
miss being friends with alotta people actually
why does things happen the way they do?
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| its funny. how easy this year is comparing to last year.
i mean.. idk.. horrible shit happened last year
that fucked up my life
and i was all emo
and now i can still be...sad.. and often..like today
but its so much.. less of a burden than last year.
and that makes me happy
and i'm grateful.
a year ago around now i'd be in state of shock..
and crying the whole day..
and thinking thoughts that...
i shouldn't be having to think about. right now around now. i'm overall happy
love. |
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| i have had so much stress lately
breaking down every night..
failing 2 classes..
but past 2 days have been good haven't cried, had been completely happy. thats always good
i guess...sure my bf has had some interesting love life..... but he's worth it. i had a bad feeling about getting into a relationship with him cuz i'm guessing it will end pretty badly. and i think it will. and but i also think its worth being with him. he's amazing, best bf i've ever had.. an amazing friend too, and i keep thinking about how afew of my friends were betting on how long so and so would last. they didn't bet on me& him cuz they they really had no clue. i dont have a clue either. i think we might acutally last a while though. its a hunch. and obviously predictin relationships is never a good thing. but i'm damn glad i'm with him.
he gave me his cold though =( anyways today we basically fell alsepeo n each otehra nd now 'im really really tired cuz i never DID fall asleep...my moms also crashed and she crashed on my bed...so i guess im gonna hafta crash on lukes... |
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| this week has sucked.
trying to figure out stuff about my ex that i only just learned a week ago.. that now i'm really worried about him and mad at him at the same time. i can't much say we're friends i haven't spoken to him in a while but i can still be a friend from a distance even if in my mind he's an ex. how confusing
i am mad at a close friend of mine because as much as she is caring she is messing with my love life by trying to hook me up with a friend of hers. i mean.. i dont understand her school really. but the way they date, and the way i date are completely different. and at first i wasnt' even mad at her but she calls me 5 times a day to tell me to break up with my boyfriend, it brings up bad memories from other times that i just dont want to think about. i'm not much into hook ups. nope. and apprently the guy likes me, but he's only met me for 2 seconds and talked to me online before i dont see how he'd like me. and he's nice but he should give up because thats not how i get together with people. and i'm not interested. and i really like my boyfriend.
oh. and people need to stop trashing my boyfriend. i've had quizical stares when people find out i'm going out with him, i've been told to break up with him from 2 diff people, and he's been called "annoying, poser, emo, pothead, thinks he's the shit, doesn't deserve me" infront of me enough times sure there are bad things about him but i've acknowledged them ages ago and i guess i like the side of him that not many people know about?? dude i don't know but i'm getting sick of it. he's amazing and he actually cares about me. and there are two main kinds of boyfriends. the kind where you like for mainly looks and only make out with, and the kind where you two grow day by day closer in friendship as well as everything else. and he's the second kind. and that means alot to me considering one of my exes was the first kind.
also really worried about a close of mine who has a shitty dad.
i've decided that there are 2 stereotypical types of american families.
-the one where the husband and wife either love each other or work well with each other so as not to fight, the children turn out good with decent grades, and passions in life, and are spoiled with morally good things. the biggest fights are usually between siblings, at most a teenager gets majorly pissed off and wants to kill the world but thats normal
-then theres the kind where either the father or both parents drink, and both of them grew up in the second kind of family too, they're always fighting to possible point of abuse, the non-drinking parent always has to work off her ass to keep everything in place.. and the dirnking is always the one you least want to piss off... and the children are deprived of everyday normal things. i realize how spoiled i am, because when i was younger, i got to go to ballets, and plays, and i got to draw, and took instrumental lessons. some people never got chances of that and never grew to enjoy learning. then the children get into shit like drugs and alchohal and they think its completely normal..like fucking watch your kids comit suicide for all you fucking care! ur only gonna notice they're gone until long after they are you fucking idiots
ARGH some people thinjk their second-type of fmaily is completely normal... but when you compare it to the majority- and hten again, what is majority?
then talk about hw. 10 page essay due tomrrow and i haven't started it... normal homework, work, i haven't practiced violin or piano or guitar at all this week due to everything, tests quizes, grades are comming out soon and i just want to fuck everything and not do anything. i get home at 7 most nights, and later on some, and then theres resting and then dinner and then i have no time for anything.
i'm stressed and yesterday i broke down 5 times and the 5th time i was crying for 2 hours straight. and every day this week i've broken down at least once.
i skipped fencing practice today to catch up on work but its already 3 30 and i haven't done anything... |
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